Unwanted Advice, Comments & Touching
Q. My boyfriend of 12 years and I are so excited and looking forward to the birth of our child, and so is our six-year-old son. We are both deaf but our son isn't. We've raised our son with no problems, and he is currently enrolled in the Young Gifted Child Program at an elementary school and has been doing wonderfully!
A lot of people who are aware that I am pregnant tell us, "I hope the baby will be born hearing instead of deaf." We have a tendency to get a bit defensive and tell them, "We hope this baby is deaf." Wishing for something that would change a child's persona is not something we would want. Are we wrong in being defensive or should we just nod our heads to the people who make these comments?
-LeeAnne, New York
A. I'm sure you want what's best for your unborn child, deaf or not. I can understand your being defensive when people say they wish the baby be born hearing. It must seem that these people are being quite insensitive and insulting to you and your boyfriend's lifestyle. Unfortunately, this happens a lot to pregnant women– unsolicited advice, comments and suggestions that are quite out of line.
After losing one of her twins, my sister-in-law was constantly told she should consider herself lucky because she still had one baby. Of course she was devastated and angered by these seemingly insensitive comments.
With my first pregnancy, I gained a lot of weight. I cannot tell you how many people told me how "HUGE" I looked. It's a good thing I have pretty thick skin!
Sometimes people say the stupidest things while not really thinking about how it must feel to be on the receiving end of such comments. The best thing you can do is just smile, nod your head, and take some satisfaction in knowing what an ignoramus the speaker appears to be.